You know how sometimes things seem like total sh*t, and just keep getting worse? I've been on that downhill slope since November.
What fun.
[No, it's not fun, not at all, not even a little bit! Can't you detect irony when you read it? Huh?! Huh?! *rolls eyes*]
But suddenly the snow has gone (thank F**K), and it's just about warm enough outside that I am no longer freezing my bits off. The sun has come out after what seems like months of grey (although it's probably only been a few weeks??? Well, since just before Christmas whenever that was.) and the blue sky is finally visible again. :) Hoorah!
And, and... I've just had an email which suggests that 2011 promises to be an interesting year.
I've stopped holding my breath, because that just leads to blue skin and unconsciousness, plus I seem to have been blue-tinged for most of the last month anyway (but that was due to semi-arctic conditions). LOL.
I'd better shut up now, before I accidentally wake up Fate - reminding it that I exist.
Yes, this is one of those intensely annoying writer's posts that hints, but says nothing.
Because it's way to early to even allow hope to consider jumping up and down on the bedsprings. Hope and terror combined. What a joyful combination.
[Did you spot that there irony this time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up! you are going to wake up Fate.]
I'm off to hide.
Before it all goes horribly wrong.
Before 'interesting' decides it prefers the other Wild West and abandons me to its Chinese twin.
Hey ho.
Oh, and Happy New Year!
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Friday, 14 January 2011
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Ghost cats & other monstrous phenomena
Okay, Halloween is long gone, but I shall tell you a chilling tale of the other night.
Okay, it's not chilling at all. It was quite nice. But it reminded me of the time ... and then there was also that other time ...
Yeah, I'm a brilliant story teller me, you can see my career is gonna go far - - probably down the nearest drain! LOL.
So, the other night. ... Hmm, maybe I better go back aways, to when I lived in Reading, and before.
When I was little we had a cat called Wormsley.
[My mother, going to find a kitten: "Ugh! That cat's got worms!" Said kitten runs over and rubs against her leg purring.]
She was always a feature of my life, as she was a member of our household before I was - until we moved to Exeter and she moved into the old people's home next door, for a quieter life (our household was chaos incarnate much of the time). She was getting old and thin and we would occasionally see her sunning herself on our front lawn or the low wall beside it, and then about nine months later we saw her no more....
Many years later, while I was at University in Reading, I was rudely awoken in the middle of the night by a hurly-burly of of spectral cats - imagine a constantly moving ball of hyper cats playfully screaming and scratching their way across the landscape as they travel from one place to another on their joyous, tumulous, straight-out-of-the-witches-handbook, tangle of cats journey. Wormsley was one of them, and they had stopped by for a brief visit. They were in the area for two days and then they continued on their hurly-burly way.
It was a bit of a surprise, but I have had more freaky encounters than that, and it was nice to see her again + having fun with her friends.
(That same year the ghosts of our pony and our dog also came to visit me.)
A few years later, still in Reading, I was at the cinema with a friend and as the film ended we both felt the nice warm furry black cat (that had settled there unnoticed at some point during the movie) get up and jump down as we prepared to stand up. We both looked at it as it jumped down and there was nothing there - just the physical sensation of a cat departing. I scanned the floor between the seating but could see nothing. "Was that a cat?" My friend replied, "I think so." "Where is it? I didn't see it?" My friend, "It was a ghost, I think." I blinked a bit, but that tallied with my experience too. It was just a bit of a surprize having one turn up mid-cinema, during a sunny and otherwise uneventful afternoon.
The cinema staff were unaware of any cats, or of any ghosts, in screen 3. I did check....
And now we catch up with me living back in the safety of the Wilds of Devon - I think I mentioned previously that I inherited my mother's cat when she died. He was called Ubiquitous, otherwise known as Black Cat, and he was lovely in his own extremely scraggly Evil, Black & Midnight way. I changed his name to Monster shortly after I adopted him, after The Kingfisher Incident. (But then this was the cat that was witnessed by 3 other people, and me, folding up a swallow in mid-air after it made the mistake of flying in to my mother's kitchen.) I can only assume the kingfisher was ill or asleep or ... but then again Monster was a teleporting cat:
Cat in a locked box on the passenger seat. Cat by my elbow while I'm driving. Locked box empty. Hmm.
I used many far less flattering words to describe him that kingfisher day, but Monster seemed to fit him better than Ubiquitous or Black Cat, and Evil Black & Midnight Cat is not something you want to be shouting when it's his dinner time: so Monster became his name.
I never did really sense his presence when he was alive, unless he was actively hassling me - I think that may have been part of what made him such an astonishingly good hunter - and after he was killed in a hit and run, I still didn't really feel his presense strongly, although you could see him when he was around if you looked through the corner of your eye.
I first realised he was around again when I nearly tripped over him ... Have you ever done that? Seen something virtually under your feet as you are walking and trip as a result - only to realize there was nothing physically present for you to trip on?
He visits a lot, but I usually only sense him as something unseen out of the corner of my eye, or as I nearly trip over him.
(That cat was always getting under my feet! He's even worse now.) ...
But the other day, I woke in the middle of the night to visit the smallest room in the house - which is on the landing next to the stairs - Monster was around and getting under my feet as normal. As I left, I glanced in to the stairwell and got the shock of my life (okay, I have had worse - but this freaked me nearly as badly). A large animal was looking at me, eyes reflecting in the darkness. It lunged up the stairs at me - - and as my heart lept in to my throat, I realised it was our wolfhound, Brit. She died about 20 years earlier and she'd come for a visit. Give me a heart attack or what, why don't'cha! *rolls eyes*
This sensing the ghosts of pets can be problematic....
After I'd got over the shock, I gingerly got back in to bed - incase there was some other spectral something-or-other hiding under it. Well you never know.
There wasn't. Phew!
Well, that was the not-really-chilling-at-all tale of me getting freaked out by the ghost of our pet dog. If you're not familiar with wolfhounds, she was quite a small one, she came up to my hip when she was standing on all fours. (Her dad was 10 inches taller at the shoulder.)
As an adendum, my favourite of my step-mother's many, many cats came to visit a few nights ago. He was always a very heavy cat, who was the purryest thing you ever met. He is still excessively heavy as a ghost. You know it when he's curled up on you. Sheesh.
I knew he had been ill and wasn't expected to survive. When I rang the next day, sure enough he had succumbed.
Ah well, at least they're all happy.
Okay, it's not chilling at all. It was quite nice. But it reminded me of the time ... and then there was also that other time ...
Yeah, I'm a brilliant story teller me, you can see my career is gonna go far - - probably down the nearest drain! LOL.
So, the other night. ... Hmm, maybe I better go back aways, to when I lived in Reading, and before.
When I was little we had a cat called Wormsley.
[My mother, going to find a kitten: "Ugh! That cat's got worms!" Said kitten runs over and rubs against her leg purring.]
She was always a feature of my life, as she was a member of our household before I was - until we moved to Exeter and she moved into the old people's home next door, for a quieter life (our household was chaos incarnate much of the time). She was getting old and thin and we would occasionally see her sunning herself on our front lawn or the low wall beside it, and then about nine months later we saw her no more....
Many years later, while I was at University in Reading, I was rudely awoken in the middle of the night by a hurly-burly of of spectral cats - imagine a constantly moving ball of hyper cats playfully screaming and scratching their way across the landscape as they travel from one place to another on their joyous, tumulous, straight-out-of-the-witches-handbook, tangle of cats journey. Wormsley was one of them, and they had stopped by for a brief visit. They were in the area for two days and then they continued on their hurly-burly way.
It was a bit of a surprise, but I have had more freaky encounters than that, and it was nice to see her again + having fun with her friends.
(That same year the ghosts of our pony and our dog also came to visit me.)
A few years later, still in Reading, I was at the cinema with a friend and as the film ended we both felt the nice warm furry black cat (that had settled there unnoticed at some point during the movie) get up and jump down as we prepared to stand up. We both looked at it as it jumped down and there was nothing there - just the physical sensation of a cat departing. I scanned the floor between the seating but could see nothing. "Was that a cat?" My friend replied, "I think so." "Where is it? I didn't see it?" My friend, "It was a ghost, I think." I blinked a bit, but that tallied with my experience too. It was just a bit of a surprize having one turn up mid-cinema, during a sunny and otherwise uneventful afternoon.
The cinema staff were unaware of any cats, or of any ghosts, in screen 3. I did check....
And now we catch up with me living back in the safety of the Wilds of Devon - I think I mentioned previously that I inherited my mother's cat when she died. He was called Ubiquitous, otherwise known as Black Cat, and he was lovely in his own extremely scraggly Evil, Black & Midnight way. I changed his name to Monster shortly after I adopted him, after The Kingfisher Incident. (But then this was the cat that was witnessed by 3 other people, and me, folding up a swallow in mid-air after it made the mistake of flying in to my mother's kitchen.) I can only assume the kingfisher was ill or asleep or ... but then again Monster was a teleporting cat:
Cat in a locked box on the passenger seat. Cat by my elbow while I'm driving. Locked box empty. Hmm.
I used many far less flattering words to describe him that kingfisher day, but Monster seemed to fit him better than Ubiquitous or Black Cat, and Evil Black & Midnight Cat is not something you want to be shouting when it's his dinner time: so Monster became his name.
I never did really sense his presence when he was alive, unless he was actively hassling me - I think that may have been part of what made him such an astonishingly good hunter - and after he was killed in a hit and run, I still didn't really feel his presense strongly, although you could see him when he was around if you looked through the corner of your eye.
I first realised he was around again when I nearly tripped over him ... Have you ever done that? Seen something virtually under your feet as you are walking and trip as a result - only to realize there was nothing physically present for you to trip on?
He visits a lot, but I usually only sense him as something unseen out of the corner of my eye, or as I nearly trip over him.
(That cat was always getting under my feet! He's even worse now.) ...
But the other day, I woke in the middle of the night to visit the smallest room in the house - which is on the landing next to the stairs - Monster was around and getting under my feet as normal. As I left, I glanced in to the stairwell and got the shock of my life (okay, I have had worse - but this freaked me nearly as badly). A large animal was looking at me, eyes reflecting in the darkness. It lunged up the stairs at me - - and as my heart lept in to my throat, I realised it was our wolfhound, Brit. She died about 20 years earlier and she'd come for a visit. Give me a heart attack or what, why don't'cha! *rolls eyes*
This sensing the ghosts of pets can be problematic....
After I'd got over the shock, I gingerly got back in to bed - incase there was some other spectral something-or-other hiding under it. Well you never know.
There wasn't. Phew!
Well, that was the not-really-chilling-at-all tale of me getting freaked out by the ghost of our pet dog. If you're not familiar with wolfhounds, she was quite a small one, she came up to my hip when she was standing on all fours. (Her dad was 10 inches taller at the shoulder.)
As an adendum, my favourite of my step-mother's many, many cats came to visit a few nights ago. He was always a very heavy cat, who was the purryest thing you ever met. He is still excessively heavy as a ghost. You know it when he's curled up on you. Sheesh.
I knew he had been ill and wasn't expected to survive. When I rang the next day, sure enough he had succumbed.
Ah well, at least they're all happy.
Friday, 17 July 2009
Creativity comes when you call.
Steve has this gem in his current post:
"I think the most important thing here is something I've always known but it can be difficult to convince yourself: Making the decision to create is what actually makes the creativity flow. It's not the external thing that many people would like to think. It comes from you and your decision."
For years I've convinced myself I can't write poetry unless the Muse hits, but then I don't generally want to try writing poetry most of the time anyway. So not a problem.
When it comes to story writing though, I realise I've been doing something similar: somehow seeing the delay-time needed to get into character as an external factor working on me rather than being a fully internal process that I can control.
Getting in to the heads of the people that you are writing ...
Craig Mazin has a great post on this You Need To Be A Little Insane, go read it!
... while I definitely didn't have this under the same Muse-only category, I know I can force myself in to it; it is just hard work and serious concentration to put myself back in the correct shoes until I've got to know the characters well enough that they start talking to me.
Plot is also a sit down and make it happen thing for me, but generally so intimately linked to character ... I find I create both as I go along, and I generally don't get the story locked down in any real way until I'm about three quarters of the way through the story outline/treatment. And I find I can't start writing "good" dialogue until the characters are talking and acting/reacting of their own free will.
I think this is part of why it takes me so long to write anything on spec.
[Does this make me a method writer, rather than just a writer? No. Wrong analogy. ... Ah ha!*]
And I know that this is where the gap lies between being a professional writer whose career and money earning come from writing, and a writer who just writes.
And that is something I've been wrestling with for years.
I want to be a professional writer. I'm going to have to refine my approach even further. *sigh* At least I've twigged this part of it consciously now. *rolls eyes* Took me long enough.
Thanks for the inspiration Steve! :)
*The Ah ha! was me realising that I need to embrace my insanity rather than shy away from it. ... Which might make me even odder than I already am. Ah f*ck it! We're all unique in our own special ways, mine just might be a bit more special. ;)
"I think the most important thing here is something I've always known but it can be difficult to convince yourself: Making the decision to create is what actually makes the creativity flow. It's not the external thing that many people would like to think. It comes from you and your decision."
For years I've convinced myself I can't write poetry unless the Muse hits, but then I don't generally want to try writing poetry most of the time anyway. So not a problem.
When it comes to story writing though, I realise I've been doing something similar: somehow seeing the delay-time needed to get into character as an external factor working on me rather than being a fully internal process that I can control.
Getting in to the heads of the people that you are writing ...
Craig Mazin has a great post on this You Need To Be A Little Insane, go read it!
... while I definitely didn't have this under the same Muse-only category, I know I can force myself in to it; it is just hard work and serious concentration to put myself back in the correct shoes until I've got to know the characters well enough that they start talking to me.
Plot is also a sit down and make it happen thing for me, but generally so intimately linked to character ... I find I create both as I go along, and I generally don't get the story locked down in any real way until I'm about three quarters of the way through the story outline/treatment. And I find I can't start writing "good" dialogue until the characters are talking and acting/reacting of their own free will.
I think this is part of why it takes me so long to write anything on spec.
[Does this make me a method writer, rather than just a writer? No. Wrong analogy. ... Ah ha!*]
And I know that this is where the gap lies between being a professional writer whose career and money earning come from writing, and a writer who just writes.
And that is something I've been wrestling with for years.
I want to be a professional writer. I'm going to have to refine my approach even further. *sigh* At least I've twigged this part of it consciously now. *rolls eyes* Took me long enough.
Thanks for the inspiration Steve! :)
*The Ah ha! was me realising that I need to embrace my insanity rather than shy away from it. ... Which might make me even odder than I already am. Ah f*ck it! We're all unique in our own special ways, mine just might be a bit more special. ;)
Monday, 17 November 2008
Holding your breath ...
... is universally a bad idea.
Aside from the whole turning blue, keeling over, and waking up with a bunch of strangers staring at you worriedly thing. - - That's normal. Bunch of strangers staring at me worriedly happens every day*. Virtually everyone I meet or pass on the street reacts like that. - - Aside from that, there's the whole time wasting aspect to it (which could be classed as procrastination I suppose, or maybe a variation on writer's block?) where you are waiting instead of doing.
In this case I have not been wholly holding my breath as I wait for the verdict on The Grim; I've been mulling other projects, but not actively working on them the way I should have been. Bad Eleanor!
Producer No#1 was kind enough to let me know there has been no decision as yet, because they are having a BIG RUCK over the script. He loves it as is. The folks behind the scenes want to transfer the setting from the UK to the USA. - - Hmm. If you've read the story you'll realise that I think Producer No#1 is a man of rare insight and spectacular story know-how who should be listened to at all times.
... However, if it really comes down to it, I can always write them a brand new script about a monster eating people in the USA it just won't be this monster. Maybe it's cousin?
So, it looks like interesting times (the Chinese type) are headed my way. Again. Oh joy.
I'd better pull my finger out and get back to working on the other story with my American co-writers ... before they lynch me for falling off the face of the planet. :)
*Well, every day that I venture out of my cave into the view of other people.
Aside from the whole turning blue, keeling over, and waking up with a bunch of strangers staring at you worriedly thing. - - That's normal. Bunch of strangers staring at me worriedly happens every day*. Virtually everyone I meet or pass on the street reacts like that. - - Aside from that, there's the whole time wasting aspect to it (which could be classed as procrastination I suppose, or maybe a variation on writer's block?) where you are waiting instead of doing.
In this case I have not been wholly holding my breath as I wait for the verdict on The Grim; I've been mulling other projects, but not actively working on them the way I should have been. Bad Eleanor!
Producer No#1 was kind enough to let me know there has been no decision as yet, because they are having a BIG RUCK over the script. He loves it as is. The folks behind the scenes want to transfer the setting from the UK to the USA. - - Hmm. If you've read the story you'll realise that I think Producer No#1 is a man of rare insight and spectacular story know-how who should be listened to at all times.
... However, if it really comes down to it, I can always write them a brand new script about a monster eating people in the USA it just won't be this monster. Maybe it's cousin?
So, it looks like interesting times (the Chinese type) are headed my way. Again. Oh joy.
I'd better pull my finger out and get back to working on the other story with my American co-writers ... before they lynch me for falling off the face of the planet. :)
*Well, every day that I venture out of my cave into the view of other people.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Errors In Judgement
The production company who love my screenplay ... indications are that after the rewrite, not so much.
So what changed? I followed their notes, it's a much stronger story and Producer No#1 is still very keen, but it seems to have cooled down a bit behind the scenes. So why is that? Afterall, it is essentially the same script with some tweaks.
- - I think I have an inkling.
Although before you read this as discovered wisdom, bare in mind I have almost no exposure to the process and I could be talking total bollocks, as is my usual want. D'oh!
But, I think I can point to a change I made in the third act - climax, penultimate battle ... previously I had not intercut the scenes, or split them with slugs. It read really smoothly, but wasn't particularly in proper format. So I added the slugs, thinking they've already said they like it. This change will bring it that one tiny millimeter closer to shooting script layout, so that change helps me visualise all the extra things I need to do to get this set of scenes to that next step.
However, this is still supposed to be a reading script, and by adding those slugs, instead of an intercut (which in hindsight is the option I should have taken) I just made it LESS READER FRIENDLY. Removing some of the flow adds distance between the words on paper and the consumer of those words.
At least, I think that's what is happening here. Still waiting for a verdict, so this is a huge guess on my part. But in the next pass I'm going to change it to intercut and see if it flies any better.
Then again, maybe it's a budget thing, or some other screenplay has turned up and knocked their socks off? *sigh*
Moral of the story? - - Even when you think it's in the bag, never relax!
Oh, and the perennial - - assumption makes an ass of you and me.
Guess I'll have to wait to see how the damage translates. ... Then again, it's such a small nit-pick, maybe it's a budget thing?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UPDATE: 17th November 2008.
D'oh! Okay, that's not it at all! Phew! Although something to bear in mind for next time I start getting all ahead of myself. Keep a reading script a reading script. Worry about the next step after the contracts are signed.
So what changed? I followed their notes, it's a much stronger story and Producer No#1 is still very keen, but it seems to have cooled down a bit behind the scenes. So why is that? Afterall, it is essentially the same script with some tweaks.
- - I think I have an inkling.
Although before you read this as discovered wisdom, bare in mind I have almost no exposure to the process and I could be talking total bollocks, as is my usual want. D'oh!
But, I think I can point to a change I made in the third act - climax, penultimate battle ... previously I had not intercut the scenes, or split them with slugs. It read really smoothly, but wasn't particularly in proper format. So I added the slugs, thinking they've already said they like it. This change will bring it that one tiny millimeter closer to shooting script layout, so that change helps me visualise all the extra things I need to do to get this set of scenes to that next step.
However, this is still supposed to be a reading script, and by adding those slugs, instead of an intercut (which in hindsight is the option I should have taken) I just made it LESS READER FRIENDLY. Removing some of the flow adds distance between the words on paper and the consumer of those words.
At least, I think that's what is happening here. Still waiting for a verdict, so this is a huge guess on my part. But in the next pass I'm going to change it to intercut and see if it flies any better.
Then again, maybe it's a budget thing, or some other screenplay has turned up and knocked their socks off? *sigh*
Moral of the story? - - Even when you think it's in the bag, never relax!
Oh, and the perennial - - assumption makes an ass of you and me.
Guess I'll have to wait to see how the damage translates. ... Then again, it's such a small nit-pick, maybe it's a budget thing?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UPDATE: 17th November 2008.
D'oh! Okay, that's not it at all! Phew! Although something to bear in mind for next time I start getting all ahead of myself. Keep a reading script a reading script. Worry about the next step after the contracts are signed.
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Death by encouragement.
Hmm.
This can't be right.
They say they like it.
It has potential, but needs work in some areas - - as all scripts do.
They'll be discussing it this week and then they'll get back to me.
It must be a wind up. ... Or they're insane. ... Or my plan of beating all the other screenplays out of the competition by getting there first has worked! (Because while I have the delusion that I am good, I'll be the first to admit that I am not Joss Whedon - the lack of male bits kinda gives that away.)
Thank you Mr Barron for imparting true *secret* screenwriter wisdom in your blog! Being first is obviously the key to success! Hoorah!
*slap's self across cheek* Calm down woman. You're getting all over excited. They're just being polite. They really hate it. It's some perfected form of screenwriter torture that they've developed. And once they've discussed the screenplay, they'll come back with a pass. *heaves shoulders and sighs*
Okay, I'm off to hide in Scotland for a week. Maybe they'll have forgotten all about that dratted thing by the time I return? Then I can get back to my quietly hectic life of trying to squeeze enough time out of the day to actually sit in front of the laptop.
Way hey! Aberdeen here I come! :)
This can't be right.
They say they like it.
It has potential, but needs work in some areas - - as all scripts do.
They'll be discussing it this week and then they'll get back to me.
It must be a wind up. ... Or they're insane. ... Or my plan of beating all the other screenplays out of the competition by getting there first has worked! (Because while I have the delusion that I am good, I'll be the first to admit that I am not Joss Whedon - the lack of male bits kinda gives that away.)
Thank you Mr Barron for imparting true *secret* screenwriter wisdom in your blog! Being first is obviously the key to success! Hoorah!
*slap's self across cheek* Calm down woman. You're getting all over excited. They're just being polite. They really hate it. It's some perfected form of screenwriter torture that they've developed. And once they've discussed the screenplay, they'll come back with a pass. *heaves shoulders and sighs*
Okay, I'm off to hide in Scotland for a week. Maybe they'll have forgotten all about that dratted thing by the time I return? Then I can get back to my quietly hectic life of trying to squeeze enough time out of the day to actually sit in front of the laptop.
Way hey! Aberdeen here I come! :)
Wednesday, 31 October 2007
It worked!
Posting about my terror of finding a story has worked, my brain has actually managed to come up with an idea that I'm mostly happy with. Still needs some work, but it has potential.
Darn, that means I have to put together a treatment, and a synopsis, and fill in their forms...
It's most unreasonable of the UK Film Council to request enough information on a project to make a rational decision as to whether they will supply funding for it or not. They should just throw money at me! Without asking any questions at all!
I guess I'd better go do some writing. Or maybe I can procrastinate for a bit? ;-)
...
*sigh* I hear the keyboard calling its Selkie siren song.
Oh, and posting The Grim on TriggerStreet went horribly right. I've just got back my coverage - from my favourite reviewer at ScriptShark (how lucky was that!). Very, very useful feedback and suggestions.
... I now feel slightly guilty for putting the reviewer through the pain of reading my script in all its first draft, car-wreck glory. - - If you're reading this, "Sorry."
And if you, my gentle readers, are suckers for other people's punishment, you can go read the coverage at the same link I gave for reading the screenplay on the post below.
Yeah, that's right. Leg work. Go on. Scroll down and find it.
TRICK OR TREAT? ... HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Darn, that means I have to put together a treatment, and a synopsis, and fill in their forms...
It's most unreasonable of the UK Film Council to request enough information on a project to make a rational decision as to whether they will supply funding for it or not. They should just throw money at me! Without asking any questions at all!
I guess I'd better go do some writing. Or maybe I can procrastinate for a bit? ;-)
...
*sigh* I hear the keyboard calling its Selkie siren song.
Oh, and posting The Grim on TriggerStreet went horribly right. I've just got back my coverage - from my favourite reviewer at ScriptShark (how lucky was that!). Very, very useful feedback and suggestions.
... I now feel slightly guilty for putting the reviewer through the pain of reading my script in all its first draft, car-wreck glory. - - If you're reading this, "Sorry."
And if you, my gentle readers, are suckers for other people's punishment, you can go read the coverage at the same link I gave for reading the screenplay on the post below.
Yeah, that's right. Leg work. Go on. Scroll down and find it.
TRICK OR TREAT? ... HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Sunday, 28 October 2007
ARGH!
My next post was going to be about the 3 gifts my Fairy Godcat cursed me with: writing, procrastination, and reckless optimism. But I'm going to save that for another time. This is more urgent, I need to splurge.
I'm blocked! Actually, no, that's a total lie.
I'm scared.
... And I am allowing my brain-melting terror to melt my brain. How pathetic is that. And due to my terror, I'm going to side-step the issue and work up to it...
I originally set up this blog to force myself into writing and finishing my last script. And it worked! The terror of blogging (instant readership) outweighed my terror of people - honest to goodness strangers - actually getting to read my screenwriting (delayed/potential readership).
I finished my script #1, in all it's first draft, car-wreck glory, and entered it into South West Screen's development competition, and also posted it on TriggerStreet for comments so that I could get enough ammo to work out how to rewrite the sucker.
And that's when everything went horribly wrong... or possibly right...? - - Jury's still out on that.
It virtually leaped like a salmon into the top ten on TriggerStreet, and then *horror* got nominated for Screenplay Of The Month. ... Sure, it's an okay story, but it does need a heck of a lot of work still. I can only assume I got very lucky with the readers who were assigned to it#2. What this means is that I get free coverage from ScriptShark. Very cool. Which will no-doubt point out all the many areas that need work (assuming they have enough space in the coverage for that!), so I'm looking forward to getting this. It will be excellent to get professional coverage. I am a very happy bunny, in that respect.
What is causing the brain-melt ... finally I cut to the chase ... is that with delusions of actually possibly, maybe having the talent to be a screenwriter [unwavering core of self-belief and total arrogance#3 asserts itself: I have talent. I am a god of screenwriting, it's just that no one has noticed yet!], I am trying to put together an application to the UK Film Council for funding so that I don't have to worry about where the next meal is coming from while I devote myself full time to writing one of my screenplays.
This is where the brain-melt sets in: which one?
A brand new one? Fleshing out an old idea for a new one? Rewriting a first draft? ... ARGH!
Each time I sit down to narrow down my options, pick a story/create a story, I get part way into it and then look at the decisions I'm making and question them into oblivion. It's the fear that's doing it. The exact same fear I want to comment on properly in future posts, the fear that I know I have to work on; the fear that prompted the title of the blog, the fear that prompted the creation of this blog. The fear of success (I think it is success rather than failure?), which then leads to procrastination.
Darn it, I am going to be a professional screenwriter! I just need to get this effing self-doubt under control. *gnashing of teeth* I blame my parents. ;)
#1 Title:The Grim, genre: horror. Here's a link, if you're mad enough to want to read it: The Grim
#2 It wasn't good enough to make the shortlist for South West Screen's recent development competition. www.swscreen.co.uk
#3 All screenwriters have this - no matter their level of talent or lack thereof. Ignore any denials, if they didn't have it they wouldn't be trying to earn a living as a self-employed writer. Okay, maybe not all, but I reckon the majority do. So nyar! *blows raspberry*
I'm blocked! Actually, no, that's a total lie.
I'm scared.
... And I am allowing my brain-melting terror to melt my brain. How pathetic is that. And due to my terror, I'm going to side-step the issue and work up to it...
I originally set up this blog to force myself into writing and finishing my last script. And it worked! The terror of blogging (instant readership) outweighed my terror of people - honest to goodness strangers - actually getting to read my screenwriting (delayed/potential readership).
I finished my script #1, in all it's first draft, car-wreck glory, and entered it into South West Screen's development competition, and also posted it on TriggerStreet for comments so that I could get enough ammo to work out how to rewrite the sucker.
And that's when everything went horribly wrong... or possibly right...? - - Jury's still out on that.
It virtually leaped like a salmon into the top ten on TriggerStreet, and then *horror* got nominated for Screenplay Of The Month. ... Sure, it's an okay story, but it does need a heck of a lot of work still. I can only assume I got very lucky with the readers who were assigned to it#2. What this means is that I get free coverage from ScriptShark. Very cool. Which will no-doubt point out all the many areas that need work (assuming they have enough space in the coverage for that!), so I'm looking forward to getting this. It will be excellent to get professional coverage. I am a very happy bunny, in that respect.
What is causing the brain-melt ... finally I cut to the chase ... is that with delusions of actually possibly, maybe having the talent to be a screenwriter [unwavering core of self-belief and total arrogance#3 asserts itself: I have talent. I am a god of screenwriting, it's just that no one has noticed yet!], I am trying to put together an application to the UK Film Council for funding so that I don't have to worry about where the next meal is coming from while I devote myself full time to writing one of my screenplays.
This is where the brain-melt sets in: which one?
A brand new one? Fleshing out an old idea for a new one? Rewriting a first draft? ... ARGH!
Each time I sit down to narrow down my options, pick a story/create a story, I get part way into it and then look at the decisions I'm making and question them into oblivion. It's the fear that's doing it. The exact same fear I want to comment on properly in future posts, the fear that I know I have to work on; the fear that prompted the title of the blog, the fear that prompted the creation of this blog. The fear of success (I think it is success rather than failure?), which then leads to procrastination.
Darn it, I am going to be a professional screenwriter! I just need to get this effing self-doubt under control. *gnashing of teeth* I blame my parents. ;)
#1 Title:The Grim, genre: horror. Here's a link, if you're mad enough to want to read it: The Grim
#2 It wasn't good enough to make the shortlist for South West Screen's recent development competition. www.swscreen.co.uk
#3 All screenwriters have this - no matter their level of talent or lack thereof. Ignore any denials, if they didn't have it they wouldn't be trying to earn a living as a self-employed writer. Okay, maybe not all, but I reckon the majority do. So nyar! *blows raspberry*
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