I don't effing believe it. *gnashing of teeth*
I'm recovering nicely from losing 5 weeks, and decide to accept my friend's invitation to visit beautiful South Devon to get fully pampered and catered too like the proverbial cat who got the cream, and recuperate fully in luxury.
- Take great care not to pass the final remnants of my lurgy to my friend and her family? Tick.
- Waited on hand and foot? Tick.
- Lie on the sofa watching the rugby? Tick.
- Do next to nothing at all? Tick.
- Enjoy gentle walks through amazing countryside? Tick.
- Eat myself in to a stupor? Tick.
- Get better and start to feel truly alive again (aside from the ongoing fatigue)? Tick.
- Take great care not to pass the final remnants of my lurgy to my friend and her family? Tick. Tick.
So far, everything is going according to plan.
Then on the last day my friend starts feeling unwell ... Headache and temperature.
And I feel GUILTY AS ALL HELL for giving her plague! - - Except, I didn't.
Got home - everything fine, do the chores, get a bit of writing done, catch up on TV procrastination. Wake up today, still alive, firing on all cylinders, HOORAY! Except, just after 12 noon I start feeling a bit odd.
I now have a headache and a temperature ... the exact same symptoms my friend has. I stop feeling guilty as all hell and reach for the paracetamol.
WILL EVERY ONE PLEASE STOP BEING ILL?!
More importantly, stop giving your vile lurgies to me. I have been more than ill enough in the last 6 months to last me at least 10 years. In fact probably 20.
JUST STOP, OKAY?
The next person who sneezes or coughs near me is gonna get... - Well I'll think of something deeply unpleasant to do to you.
I won't actually do it, I'll just think about doing it. And I'll smile at you while I'm thinking about it.
I may even make notes, and have your imagined fate played out in the next horror nasty I write. Then I'll smile again, because I'm not a very nice person deep down when you get past the layers of socialization and not wanting to go to gaol for mass murder.
So if you are in East Devon, and you sneeze, or cough, and some psycho woman starts smiling at you, and possibly grinding her teeth. It's me, alright? You've been warned.
STOP SPREADING LURGY, YOU HORRIBLE BUNCH OF PLAGUE-CARRYING MARYS!*
[*I am alluding to Typhoid Mary here, obviously.]
[UPDATE: 17 March 2010 - Bliss! This is one of the old school lurgies I remember from the 90's and before, where you have half a day of feeling really crap, followed by just feeling a bit grotty for several days afterwards. Thank f*ck!]